I have been in a tug of war with my Higher Power. I wonder who will win. The real question however is why I am in a tug of war at all with my Higher Power? No doubt it is resistance to my changing life, my changing process coupled with getting older and feeling the preciousness of time slowly running out; a candle burning down to the end. I think to myself, “If Higher Power doesn’t hurry up and bring me what I think I need to fulfill my destiny, time could run out. I could die!” Those are the silent private conversations I have with my Higher Power. The underlying fear being death and at the same time questioning whether the direction in my life (Has Higher Power made a mistake?) is correct. Knowing that ultimately everything is at it should be. However those words, (truths) are not consoling. Everything as it should be only briefly consoles me, then the tug of war begins again. Here’s the image: God has a hold of one side of a braided rope and I have hold of the other side of the rope. Like a seesaw we are tugging, pulling, tugging, pulling-wasted effort, futile, really. At the clearer spiritual times I am aware that everything is as it should be and that in “reality” everything is an illusion; molecules and atoms spinning rapidly. I remind myself that I, including my thoughts, make-up this molecular structure-atomic illusion. Also, at moments of clarity, I know that God is everything penetrating every single molecule and atom. So who am I to argue with Higher Power and why bother?
Here’s a dream I had this morning that says it all.
In the dream I looked over at my fish tank (In waking reality I don’t have a fish tank). At the bottom of the tank was a dead fish. I was shocked. How could I be so neglectful of my fish? Had the water dried up? Where was the food? I was startled by my lack of awareness especially around anything that has to do with caretaking a pet. In the dream, I ran to the pet store and bought food. When I came back I noticed that there was a fish swimming around at the top of the tank. It looked a bit scaly like it might have some skin problem. Still it was alive. The fish at the bottom of the tank remained dead. Its presence was shocking. It was a mystery how it died because there was water in the tank. (Did I forget to feed the fish?)
I interpreted the dream in several ways, (Ahhh….the beauty and importance of writing dreams down). The obvious interpretation is that a part of me feels dead inside; another part feels very much alive. But the dream also showed me the illusion of life. Even after we die, (the dead fish) we are still very much alive living in similar ways that we live right now. (Although a s painful separation from loved ones, death is an illusion). The third interpretation, and the one that feels closest to my psychological/spiritual place right now, is that the fish and the water (universal symbols of spirituality) represent a new emerging spirituality. As things change, the old has to die to allow for a new life to unfold. (The new life is the fish at the top of the tank). In the physical, I have to let go and surrender completely (feels like a death) and stop the tug of war. I must (no choice) allow myself to be guided by my Higher Power, the Holy Spirit, the ECK, so many names for That Which Is.
Thank-you Holy Spirit.
Love, Light, Healing and Many Blessings,
Ruth Starseed
https://www.facebook.com/RuthStarseed
http://www.RelaxationInternational.com
Here’s a dream I had this morning that says it all.
In the dream I looked over at my fish tank (In waking reality I don’t have a fish tank). At the bottom of the tank was a dead fish. I was shocked. How could I be so neglectful of my fish? Had the water dried up? Where was the food? I was startled by my lack of awareness especially around anything that has to do with caretaking a pet. In the dream, I ran to the pet store and bought food. When I came back I noticed that there was a fish swimming around at the top of the tank. It looked a bit scaly like it might have some skin problem. Still it was alive. The fish at the bottom of the tank remained dead. Its presence was shocking. It was a mystery how it died because there was water in the tank. (Did I forget to feed the fish?)
I interpreted the dream in several ways, (Ahhh….the beauty and importance of writing dreams down). The obvious interpretation is that a part of me feels dead inside; another part feels very much alive. But the dream also showed me the illusion of life. Even after we die, (the dead fish) we are still very much alive living in similar ways that we live right now. (Although a s painful separation from loved ones, death is an illusion). The third interpretation, and the one that feels closest to my psychological/spiritual place right now, is that the fish and the water (universal symbols of spirituality) represent a new emerging spirituality. As things change, the old has to die to allow for a new life to unfold. (The new life is the fish at the top of the tank). In the physical, I have to let go and surrender completely (feels like a death) and stop the tug of war. I must (no choice) allow myself to be guided by my Higher Power, the Holy Spirit, the ECK, so many names for That Which Is.
Thank-you Holy Spirit.
Love, Light, Healing and Many Blessings,
Ruth Starseed
https://www.facebook.com/RuthStarseed
http://www.RelaxationInternational.com
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